i have no purpose

I think I might be boring.

I have recently started seeing someone. We get along really, really, well and have the same sort of spontaneous habits, and other kinds of ways of being. Except he's like that ALL THE TIME. Which is kinda awesome to watch and be a part of part time. He also can answer certain questions that are hard to answer, much less find people with responses at all. But since the changes in my life, it doesn't seem that unattainable anymore.

He is the person most excited besides me about my fruit map. He knows the kinds of trees and plants to pick to make teas out of.

He is also curious about everything and believes that he can do anything he wants to. And he does.. It may take him a while, but he does everything he says he will and will learn everything necessary along the way.

In any case, thinking/watching his "jack of all trades" behaviors makes me think of having a specialty. (only because I am in this particular dilemma- he is not. nor do I want to see that change in any way)

Having this little bit of everything and not a whole lot of one thing is good in some cases. It makes for great conversations and perpetual curiosity. But at the same time, only on the cusp of any sort of real involvement in any one thing. (cusp is the wrong word. cusp is like about to be in the fullness... kinda implies having some anticipation and more-ness, but I'm not talking about that in this story. I'm thinking more like....outskirts, or surface, depending on your map of things.) There is no way to specialize in anything or become the master of your domain. Which is fine... i guess.

I enjoy myself with my ever-moving and seemingly endless enthusiasm, but then what? I think i may be doing spontaneity wrong if it may become boring. MAY become boring. this is just preemptive cognitive thinking.

i guess its just that part of the cycle. (shrug)

I cant figure out what Im trying to discover from this. maybe it's that I am not spreading wide enough, OR i am not digging deep enough. one or the other, but not both.

So i created this map in my head of what people are. Trying to find justification on some of these connections between people. I can draw the parts I'm in (my version at least), but I cant write it. I apologize. But I did find this article that describes it almost exactly as I have created this Utopian mapping of belief practices.

handy.

I have no idea why I wanted to write all this. possibly to share that article?

The article discusses "regions" or centrism where (as I read it) are focuses of life and interests. A person would become involved in certain areas of expertise, and whether fully indulges in it or not, is automatically a part of it.

I want to leave it at that, but now, as the BBC version of Arthur Dent said, - nevermind... I can't find the paper with the quote on it. but it dealt with his narcissism overpowering his thought to where he couldn't see beyond himself to what is actually going on with the world. or something. and lunch.