just been busy..

i have been laid off from my job.

so i hit the ground running- applying for the same sort of jobs and things like always, just to scrape by and pay the bills.

I stopped trying though. I would be miserable and uncomfortable, then i would realign myself to play the game and keep the job and keep my flow of thought and finance, then i would either get fired, quit, change something drastic. obviously.... i shouldn't be doing that to myself. settling.

so here i am. doing what i always used to do. just chill and enjoy what is in front of me. i love it. and love the people. i even love the f-ing work outs.... the miles and miles of vast land to walk through. all the storm drains, gutters/ cement river things. BASINS!!! thats what they are called.

granted, i have my head on, but i cant seem to keep it facing the right direction.

my brother is in town. he has been in the navy for 16 years. talking to him, being as lost as I am, have been thinking about it. if i join, i can continue school. i can probably use my previous educational background to make subliminal messaging for the masses. that would be fun. scary. this is what is going through my mind...

days are typical.

time means nothing to me anymore- hour or spans

i met a man the other day.

he was wonderful. he was like, 'no one touches me. and here you are, rolling around. you are the only one who has ever come into my house' (i was lying in the leaves in a park)

the first thing he said to me as he walks up to me for the second time of apparently charging his field, "who's loving you?!?" and all of a sudden I just cried.

*advice: 'stop spinning like a top. don't be so easy. this one is not for you... you know that. love has no age. age is a trick they play on you to make you not see what's really there. uhhh ohhhh, you already chose yours..... . keep it fun (meaning life). (laughter)no one knows how to control you. do you even know how to control you?'

"thank you for the kisses"

and thank you for the massage.

when i was in the park i was drawing and planning a series of drawings of 'time' and timelines and inspiration. chicken and the egg sort of thing.... (ha ha i love talking shit down. one day i will be all prideful and rightious)

and you know those moments when things are just right?

well, you know...

AH AhA A

i have been getting that "just right" feeling in my loins, man. not cool. I do not want to orgasm all over potential creations and thoughts. not yet at least. i haven't figured out how i can do it like a proper lady would.

a hAH hA , sorry. I already made that performance video... i cant talk about it yet. one day...

I dont know how i am going to birth my apollo. I already got an idea of my athena about a month ago... and my college years prepared me for my dionysis run a week or so ago watching lost boys... A hA ha , jk. (KM)

in anycase, drawing, thinking, all of that.

I have no scans of drawings because brother is in town for the month before he leaves for japan for 4 years. (check date now.) must decide of militaristic mind will be the next step before (look at wrist) soon.

and this did nothing to clear things from my mind.

just fogged it a bit more.

i must be missing something..