today is sunday. I came in on tuesday.

So far, my trip has been nothing but spectacular. I am officially home now in the San Fernando Valley, but not the home I at all grew up in.
Apparently my father had moved out of that house four years ago. I have always known of my parent's separation, but have never considered that is has been as long as it has.
So far it has been a positive living situation- a pleasant, welcoming space that is mutually public. We cook for each other and drink beer and smoke cigarettes together. My dad keeps asking me if I have any weed, but I know he doesn't smoke anymore so his curiosities make me question his motives. I don't have any... right now.... $. ? y, -{+}

It has been lovely since arriving here. it seems as though all the gaps I have been so insecure about have begun to fill in.
My inclination toward energy fields, mind works, and sci-fi are complimentary with my father's own interests. Our conversation can get interesting. the only thing is that we have to learn to calm down a bit and not take opinions too seriously. both of us. i hope you are reading this. then you can get all worked up at me again.
Our personal book libraries match- we both have all these human energy field books, but he goes in the direction of tesla and lrh, while I have the freud and the religious/ mystical texts. So in the end, our fights turn out to be saying the same thing but in different word choices and phrasings. Isn't it usually like that? Unfortunately, people don't like to listen.

Our music tastes have overlaps. He doesn't trust my musical suggestions until he hears it on NPR, then asks me if I have heard of it. I then hand him or play him an album of theirs to appease his curiosities. But still, he will not trust my tastes. He needs to get over that ska-punk phase I was in when i was 12 or so... I like to believe I have expanded a bit. Sharing is caring.



I think i was brought back to Los Angeles to resolve this aspect of my life. Living 3000 miles away from my direct family line made it easy to avoid all the problems they are facing and like to involve themselves in. Now that I am here, I see that I needed to face it. Tough shit to me that my mother thinks I am failing. Within the first hour I was in her company she had blatantly told me I wasn't doing well enough to her standard of life. Thats okay only because I don't think she is doing well enough against my standard of living. I find living much more important and valuable than staying alive.
I am curious about her. I would like to know that she has a moment that she values/remembers. One of those moments that is singularly hers. I hope she appreciates what she has.

It took me two or three days to realize my dad doesn't have a TV. He told me he didn't have a microwave before we got to his house, but I haven't found a need for it so far to have noticed that.

Here is a comment only a rare breed will understand: I need to call my grandma.

I got a job. I think it was because of my waistline and low cut shirt. edit: oh right, and my years experience in various types of new york restaurant establishments....
I like the community vibe of the art scene out here. like- mass neighborhood vibe.
I smoke more tobacco.
I walk slower so I don't stomp so much or loudly.
I like my heart rate this slow (naturally).
I drink more coffee.
I stretch more than I used to.
Walking sucks here.
But when I was walking the other day to get clothes to work/interview in I met someone.
If I write my tale, it immortalizes him. If I don't, it would only be kept in me. But if I were to write it, it would call on him and much more and I am scared of me and this person. He and I can share a lot of love together and its a scary thing.

{man... all these cycles are reoccurring.... so often it's as if I must be moving too quickly if I seem to have to repeat myself.}

All we had to do was smile at each other and he knew it was something. I knew because of the words he said and the way he spoke to me. The information he provided let me know it was that something.
He approached me in song. Both of us expanding our smiles to grins.
Without an introduction, we embraced and swayed to the song that he sang from our earth.

He was the second person to proclaim my birthdate the same as a past long-term mate of theirs. Therefore, trouble.
But it's all good. I just love love. Simplicity.


The other humans I have encountered are pretty interesting. It's kinda fun. Fancy cars that play music from something other than the radio that comes with the car. People that use digital maps to get places rather than the exploration or journey... it takes an odd type to use your brain and eyeballs like that.
Binary code is an interesting thing. I was reading the alphabet the other day. I like 'o'
ha ha.


AAAAND I still giggle.
I have a fax machine. what the fuck. I can also make my own collodial silver if need be.

vinyls are lovely and so is time.

until another point,-