thoughts becoming reality

I have been wanting to get back to a project that I started many many years ago. All of a sudden, it was time.

I had written and (")published(") a book for my senior thesis that broke down my view of art and art creation from a Sartrian point of view and (for some reason) felt it was necessary to categorize myself into these art historical canons. I don't know what I was thinking. It was two thesis in one since I had to write two theses. And since I am a bit of a scatterbrain and I wasn't allowed to make one long essay, I made it into a choose your own adventure format.... in boring essay form.

but not boring, because you didn't have to read all 34 pages.

In anycase, it was silly and not thought out. So i started it over. and it's vaguely coherent. I have new images that more applicable to the times too. so sucks for the two that were stolen at the opening, I would have offered to replaced them. Its kinda like when work is damaged or deteriorating and it's not intended, I kinda have to (in my mind) fix it. thats what i'm doing.

fixing a broken _____ _____.

But in any case, I started it with words. as in 'words as representations of ideas or sensations'. then words as creation, (which is huge but I'll cut it there... paths there) then creation of reality.

Reality being the individual's perspective of the world they make present to themselves.

Then, later that day, after my lovely afternoon in the park, i get smacked in the face with someone else's reality that makes me question, 'what is going on'?

If I share a smile on the street with someone, will they remember me tomorrow? would I? Should I be creating the importance of that moment in my own mind?

am i creating a memory too hard for something so insignificant?

or will we smile later and give each other a 'whats up nod' ha ha.

I hope this will make sense in a day or two. It will have a whole other meaning i'm sure. fucking words. cant live with them. can't live without them- yet.

jeeez, how much of my reality am i just making up in my head? am i just letting myself believe?

I have to watch out. last time i wrote this book i thought i was going nuts so i got myself psychoanalyzed. That was actually really fun. I think i posted the results somewhere on the intranets.

note to self- learn to hide posts for later review.. text wrap? oi.

i have to finish this essay book thing fast before this beast of a mind gets out of control.

if i had a conclusion to my gullitine animation, it would go here.