For a week or so now, i have had no address.
It is kind of fun in that way, where you are talking to some sort of office worker and they ask you for a contact address, and you plainly say, 'oh, well I just moved and I actually don't have a house yet.' in my mind, it's a more polite way of saying, 'well, I don't really feel like shelter in the summer time is very necessary.'

My whole 'thing' is that I have an income at the moment, but no rent. that is more money saved than not. I am moving. for future reference, as of July 18, 2010, I still don't know where. i have ideas, yet, no definites. I have, within the week I have been in Harlem (so far my favorite neighborhood based on the community of people) been informed that the 2 twenty foot long murals are no longer and the owner of the hotel chickened out. I have no statement either way except that that is unfortunate for the artist. Now I have the craving to leave town and no destination.

I really just wanted to send gratitude
There have been people all around me that have provided me with nothing but support and encouragement as i step into the beginnings of a big ol' ride. some of these people don't even know where i am right now, others dont really care but will get a phone call from me telling them that i will attend their little sister's ballet recital in butthole pennsylvania that they invited 400 people to on facebook. i especially like the people who have been expecting me to call to ask to stay, or the ones who are like, 'wait, you aren't going to stay the night?' as if i would hang out with friends for a place to crash...
yes, i know it is shocking, but i may actually like your company...

wow. thats a first... to admit i sincerely like other humans..


This has been a good test, unlike others where manners override.
i have been given offers of things i may need, or things I didn't realize i needed and everyone i expected to pass has passed. No matter how little certain people and I may get along with one another, (meaning our hardheaded argumentative demenours) it has not bypassed beyond that
I can be civil in an arguement. :)

One evening i was sitting in someone's kitchen. and she and I can fight. it is exhausting at times how long it can go.... but anyways, I was crusin on vicodin and she was telling me a story about something. i asked her a question, as to elaborate the story, to let her go on further and i can just watch and listen- i like to listen. all of a sudden; i watched it all happen- her story had worked her up so heavily, and in conjunction with my facial expressions, the questions i asked, my desire to interject (but didn't... just upward inhales)she started an all out war, WITH HERSELF. no no no, BY HERSELF. she started raising her voice, flailing her arms, walking in and out of the room, sincerely fighting. but with who? about who? or waht? (i don't remember the story so i can't gauge)
keep in mind, this is story time- not in any discussion.

the point of the story is that through the many days of this as well as direct fights with each other, it makes me kinda question, 'wait, really? how are we friends?' i still love her to death, as she does me.
with all the people and the cats and the neighbors and the houses that I have stayed in, there has been a love and community that i have been able to feel for real. Those real ones... well.... they are all real, just the good natured ones.... ahhhhh

and for those others- i wish you the best.



and just to be catty, caddy, whatever.... you are not martha stewart. drop this perfection act and maybe you may be happy with your life and maybe your boyfriend wont hate important aspects of you. you may along the way be able to keep some friends that want to be there for you, but can't because you won't let them because you insult them for being, 'beggars' and 'paupers'.
trust, love, if you cared to get to know me, you would know i don't ask. i am actually just now learning how to accept.

I'm sorry i am a different kind of tool than you and you dont know how to be creative in the garden.

good luck at your wedding, i hope you find as many bridesmaids as you think you need.

was that too fucked up? I may erase this when i get a hold of myself.


ps, i miss everyone else.
i still do think out of my realm, no worries <3!!!!!