wow. it has been so long.



mind is far off in other lands. from my recent month-long transitional period; having acquired two new jobs; and dealing with a change of cast, crew and location, my hyper consciousness of social situations has once again taken my mind into a state of otherness.

like,
i don't really understand ulterior motives. Why not let things and life happen on its own?who would want to create their fake reality rather than enjoying the ride? my computer is so gross. i don't know what this is on the screen.

that will be one thing i remove before the show.
speaking of the show............ i will be sending my computer to the nova scotia area in the first week of october. that would be interesting.

no one email me please. i won't get them for a month. unless someone decides to check my emails for me at the show. I'll just write a disclaimer, 'please don't delete any emails... i may want to read them." i should talk to apple and have them install a cookie of some sort that actually records computer movements.- visually.
but i also have search history.

man, the voices outside my window, the people i pass on the street, makes me very self-conscious.
it's not fun anymore.
I would like to meet someone/many people to train my skills. and wont fuck with my energy without telling me what is really going on. but that was also my fault.. i didn't ask any questions. I also didn't know what he knew or how he thought.

I notice I have to observe people before i get to know them. that is why i am not that great of a waitress. especially at the new place.
i dont understand that level of bourgieness. i dont understand any level actually because I discovered today that I am hood.
and damn proud. here is something to prove it:



too bad pdfs are not cool for this thing


wait wait wait. that is not entirely an exact representation of myself at the moment.
right now. the art I create on september 23rd at 10 30 ish (a wednesday that I think is Tuesday that felt like a sunday that currently feels like a friday) is this:








much better.