I have always had this habit of listening to things going on around me, absorbing them, then relating them to my own life (just so i can learn some sort of lesson from someone else's experience)- makes sense right? I thought so too, until it has gotten too hard for me to shut off.
I hear too much; whether it is a real conversation or the extensive webbing that I have created in my head to relate to what's going on my own life (or what I partially imagine to be going on). I can't help but hear things that somehow can be related to me in some way and causing this really odd surveillance fear that- in my own ways- have confirmed to be not real. Just as I calm myself down and shut down the mind to go back to the proverbial rat race (did I even use that word properly?), these two men on the train start talking near me...
They were talking about all sorts of things that I was trying to ignore but their energy was too strong for me. I was able to physically feel them a half a subway car away. Their discussion (whether it was one man's booming voice or whatever) it was just moving through me and tensing my insides. It was causing so much anxiety to me I had visualized a barrier that pushed their energy back to them... (looking back on it I should have included a mirror or reflective surface instead of a abstract force)
... but in anycase...
you know what the man with the booming voice said immediately after?
'I guess she doesn't want us to talk anymore' - something along those lines
really? really world? how the hell am I supposed to stay out of an insane asylum with these kinds of coincidences around me?
thats where I'm at. in a place of perpetual confirmation and negation.
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